Or, things that you think are good for you but actually are not.
1) Naps. Today I got up really early in order to get a lot of work done, but instead I went to lie down and I fell asleep and I had this horrific dream that I was in Heroes and Sylar had become this awful mutant creepy looking thing with all white skin and bloaty splotchy tumor things all over his body and in addition he could still do all the horrible things he can do for real in the show. (P.S. Why doesn’t anyone in the show notice how obviously creepy and weird Sylar is? Mohinder’s just like, Woohoo, a heroes-finding buddy! Let’s go, dude! ROAD TRIP!) And it was really scary and my superpower was incredibly lame and useless and had something to do with paper, so I really wouldn’t stand a chance against him if he wanted to kill me, and then as well there was a little baby somewhere around about whom we were all worried, and I was running and running and I kept thinking, Oh my GOD this episode has to be OVER soon but it never was. And then I woke up and my mouth tasted nasty because I had taken a nap and then I fell back asleep and had a similar dream, this time involving Voldemort and the Harry Potter people, and when I woke up after that, I was very very chagrined and my mouth tasted nasty because I had taken a nap. Which brings me back to the original point: Naps are bad.
2) Exercise. Exercise, and I cannot say this enough times, kills. It just does. I watched this show about this woman who had to start selling marijuana for a living because her husband just one day died in the middle of jogging. Also exercise is very bad for your knees and stuff, unless you’re doing something sensible like running in the pool which is actually okay. But everything else screws up your joints and gets you all sweaty, which is unpleasant, so the best thing to do is just not exercise. Endorphins are overrated anyway. (And possibly imaginary — I never ever feel more cheerful after I’ve exercised.)
3) Vegetables unless they are totally by themselves. And if you eat something else with them, the effect of the vegetables just gets neutralized. Like if you eat oil with them. Then you might as well not have had that salad at all. Said my biology teacher. But he might have been teasing us. But he’s made it impossible for me to enjoy Italian dressing the way I used to, and now when I eat salads I just eat them without dressing (and it’s much less tasty that way.)
However, apples are really good for you. I know this because I have started eating apples, and they taste yummy to me; so they must be healthy as well. Because they are fruits. But don’t eat the seeds because Wikipedia says they are mildly poisonous.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Actually, I think they contain arsenic. But see, that makes you like Edmond Dantes, with his supercool immunity to poisons, which impressed me mightily when I was thirteen. And after all - doesn’t everyone want to be like Edmond Dantes? So, yes, apples are excellent in every way: they are fruity and full of vitamins and plus, they make you into the Count of Monte Cristo.
Just so you know, in case you want to poison someone with a built up immunity to arsenic, you can still use apples, cause really, it’s cyanide!
Yay for poison!
1) Brush your teeth, 2) Take a shower (plus only running is bad for the knees. walking, stretching, aerobics, yoga, and all that are actually really good for you. and you only feel good if you feel like you’ve actually done something but haven’t done too much and are somewhat in shape) (by the way, when you say ’show’, the ambiguity almost inclines one to believe that Weeds might actually be non-fiction), 3) The only veggies that are gross are lima beans and beets (and peas and cauliflower), but I don’t eat those.
Post a Comment