This is NOT FAIR

(Yes, but as Jimmy Carter said, neither is life. P.S. I love Tony Kushner. Thank you, Tony Kushner, for representing my state in this fashion. I really can't overstate how much I appreciate your existence; you are like Stephen Colbert to me in that regard (he's representing good Catholics, not good Louisianians, but the idea is the same).)

No, but seriously, I really mean it about the NOT FAIR. Although remembering the existence of Tony Kushner and the fact that my DVD of Angels in America has a French language track (hurrah!) (but no French subtitles! Seriously, what IS the hell of this? There are audio tracks in English, French, and Spanish, but the subtitles can only be Spanish or English. If I ever decide to learn Spanish it will be much much easier, shit) has briefly distracted and cheered me, I am still cross about this VERY NOT FAIR thing.

So, okay, when I first came to university, you know what I had to do? I had to read Fast Food Nation. Have you read that? It is mad depressing, and furthermore, it is icky, and furthermore again, it has not even remotely stopped me from eating fast food when I feel like it but only put me off Subway where I rarely ate to start with (they're really mean to their franchisers). Fast Food Nation is now sitting on my bookshelf gathering dust, and it really just seemed like a colossal waste, them giving me this free book, because it was a rubbish free book that I actively didn't want. I remember being very annoyed about it at the time, because, hell, if they're going to be giving out free books like candy (oh! I feel so guilty! I just remembered my confirmation class gave me a catechism and then I ditched them for another church!) (oh well), anyway if they're going to be giving out free nonfiction books like candy, why not give out something cool, like Expecting Adam, or Too Close to the Falls?

Or Persepolis?

Guess what. I'm not even kidding in any way. This year, the university is giving away free copies of Persepolis. Both volumes. Dozens of copies. Hundreds.

AND I CANNOT HAVE ONE.

It's really, and I'm sorry to repeat myself like this, it's really NOT FAIR. There's all these wee freshman who have been given this book and I'm sure don't give a shit about it and are probably occupied this very minute in throwing it at the wall and forgetting about it, and I would love to have a free copy of Persepolis! And I can't have one! I am seriously on the verge of going to my old high school and collaring a senior and being like, "Hey, you, you want to give me that copy of Persepolis that you've got? I KNOW YOU HAVE IT DO NOT TRY TO LIE TO ME."

Okay, Persepolis is not my favorite book of all time or anything, but if they're giving out free copies? To all the freshmen? I would enjoy a free copy! I will swap them for my dusty copy of Fast Food Nation! WHY DO THEY GET TO READ THE COOL MEMOIR WITH THE GOOD FILM ADAPTATION AND I HAD TO READ ABOUT GRUESOME MEATPACKING ACCIDENTS?

Like I say. Not fair.

P.S. When I was talking about graphic novels earlier, I forgot about Persepolis. People sometimes mention Persepolis instead of Maus when they are talking about Graphic Novels That Are Literature. Though who put them in charge, and why no one mentions the Sandman, which is brilliant and epic as well as groundbreaking, I simply cannot imagine.

P.P.S. Since I've now mentioned the Sandman, I will go ahead and also mention one of my favorite moments in all of the Sandman: When Delirium goes to visit Lucifer with a bunch of flying fishes on a leash and that woman whose name I forget doesn't want to let her in and finally she does and she says that Lucifer deserves Delirium and Delirium says "If he deserves ME he must have been very very good indeed....I am following my fish...." Oh, and also I like it that panel that is the creation of Adam, and I love it to pieces when Merv and Matthew and Lucien are gossiping about Dream while he's standing out moping in the rain, and that really good story about the cities and the guy who is like me and imagines what would happen if the world ended and only the people on this public transportation vehicle survived, and that time that Fiddler's Green was G.K. Chesterton and – er – well, many things. Neil Gaiman, man.