Oh, Samuel Pepys

So this is kind of brilliant. How have I never known about this? How has it escaped my purview for so long?

On 19 March, 343 years ago, Samuel Pepys said:

Being very glad of this news Mr. Povy and I in his coach to Hyde Parke, being the first day of the tour there. Where many brave ladies; among others, Castlemayne lay impudently upon her back in her coach asleep, with her mouth open. There was also my Lady Kerneguy, once my Lady Anne Hambleton, that is said to have given the Duke a clap upon his first coming over.

And from another day:

Up, and to the office (having a mighty pain in my forefinger of my left hand, from a strain that it received last night) in struggling 'avec la femme que je' mentioned yesterday, where busy till noon, and then my wife being busy in going with her woman to a hot-house to bathe herself, after her long being within doors in the dirt, so that she now pretends to a resolution of being hereafter very clean. How long it will hold I can guess.

You know what charms me about this bit? "Avec la femme que je mentioned yesterday". Seriously, that IS me and my sister Robyn. That is exactly how we talk. Except we would have said "avec la femme que je mentioned hier". Oh, Samuel Pepys, your douchebaggery makes me smile. The entry about the relevant femme is ever so funny, so I will excerpt it, also.

I...by and by did go down by water to Deptford, and then down further, and so landed at the lower end of the town, and it being dark 'entrer en la maison de la femme de Bagwell', and there had 'sa compagnie', though with a great deal of difficulty, 'neanmoins en fin j'avais ma volont d'elle', and being sated therewith, I walked home to Redriffe, it being now near nine o'clock, and there I did drink some strong waters and eat some bread and cheese, and so home.

Teehee.

And also – (I put on my stern face) – very reprehensible.

But it was almost 350 years ago, so mostly it's just incredibly funny.