I don’t know if any of you ever read the awful book Bridge to Terabithia which was incredibly awful with all the awfulness. I’m going to go ahead and ruin the ending for you so that you won’t have to read it. The free-spirited running girl dies, and the running boy comes to terms with it in his own way. Okay. Save yourself the time and aggravation of ever reading it, or giving it to your children to read, or buying a copy to send to underprivileged children in inner-city schools or Africa and East Asia (if you are anxious about this, buy something good instead; I recommend Mr. Popper’s Penguins, which has a free-spirited penguin that does not die. Actually, several!). I hated that damn book, and now they’re making a damn movie of it with that little girl from Because of Winn-Dixie (who is cute and I have nothing against her whatsoever but I’m sure she could further her acting career in some other way than propagating the idea that this book is in any way good).
I went to this movie trailers website because I heard a rumor that there was like a clip of some footage from the 3rd Pirates of the Caribbean film, right, and there was a link! A link to footage of pirates! I was all excited because I’ve had a very nice day - my parents and younger sister and I all went to campus to be shown around, and we had nice fish and chips and I knew the guy at the shop was Greek even before he told us his daughter was called Constantina and my father and sisters and I talked about all the times he got hit on by dudes in his youth and all the exciting things he did as a youth like blow out his motor-scooter tires in Ville Platte and get given sausages and I learnt an amazingly interesting new fact - and I thought that footage from this probably very life-affirming movie would be just the perfect end to it. So I clicked the link, and DO YOU KNOW what happened?
That’s RIGHT! It popped up and it was all, Do you want to use Quicktime or Windows Media Player to view this exclusive footage from Bridge to Terabithia? and I was all, Neither! Get off my screen, you Satan, and give me my pirates!
Whatever. I’m going to bed. The film industry is dead to me.
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4 comments:
I read Bridge to Terabithia when I was in second or third grade. It made me cry. Then I reread it some months later and realized both kids were such twits that Leslie’s death was really a matter of relief, rather like Beth’s. I’ve probably still got my copy somewhere.
*confesses deep, dark. long-held secret*
I…I…I liked Beth. I cried when she died.
I cried when she died but only because I liked Jo and Jo liked Beth and I was sorry Jo had to be so sad.
I liked Beth too. I thought she was cute.
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