Okay, here are mine.
1) World peace. You don’t have to be a beauty pageant contestant to work towards this one! Opposing me is, let’s see, everyone in power throughout the entire rest of the world. But I will, as advised by a poster in my sixth-grade math teacher’s classroom, shoot for the moon, for I know that even if I miss I fall among the stars. Or, in this case, I fall into nuclear winter and death for everyone.
2) Publish a best-seller. Easy peasy. If Ann Coulter can do it– I won’t continue this thought. I don’t want anyone to associate me with her, mainly because it’s already tricky telling us apart, us both being tall (she is only five inches taller than I am) and blonde. The big clue to help you out on this one is that I’m not an evil bitch, and my hair is naturally this color.
3) Give up eating Brussels sprouts. Okay, I stole this one from someone else I read about sometime who gave up Brussels sprouts for Lent, but I just now went on Wikipedia to find out some nutritional information about Brussels sprouts (last time I looked up a vegetable (asparagus) on Wikipedia it told me they were like the healthiest vegetable ever and I felt really virtuous for eating two entire packs of them. That really has nothing to do with anything but I like to brag when I eat healthy foods of my own free will.). I was planning to make fun of Brussels sprouts for only having like 80% of your daily Vitamin A requirements in a serving or whatever it turned out to be, but you know what I found out? I found out that the standing record for speed eating Brussels sprouts is 44 in a minute. So I’m changing my resolution to beating the record for speed eating of Brussels sprouts. 44 a minute my ass. (See what a fount of wisdom Wikipedia is? The way, the truth, and the light, verily I say unto ye.)
In case you’re about to be all, It’s font of wisdom!, you are wrong. And in case now you’re about to be all, Anyone who said that it was font of wisdom would be so stupid and wrong!, you are also wrong. The OED will back me up on this (though not with a lot of clarity; it’s sort of roundabout, like they don’t want to commit to it, but I looked at it for a good long while a few weeks back, and I felt pretty certain about what they were getting at). Which leads me to my fourth resolution:
4) Have perfect grammar and diction at all times. No problem. I’m an English major. (This is, of course, my safety resolution.)
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5 comments:
In the matter of world peace: supporting you, on the other hand, you have ME. How can everyone in power throughout the rest of the world compete with that? If we work in tandem there’s no fight we cannot win!
Brussels sprouts are so extremely good I can hardly bear it. There were only a few yellowing ones the last time I went grocery-shopping. :-(
(I just submitted my Chicago grad school application - TWO FULL DAYS EARLY - which leaves exactly one application to submit, Michigan, and it’s not due for nearly three weeks.)
Whoa, my low-key plain-text frowny turned into a concerned-looking yellow guy.
You know, tim, not to nitpick, but I think they’re not saying there’s no fight they cannot win if they work in tandem (although it’s implied). I think they’re saying their dreams will turn out the way they planned ‘em provided they work in tandem. Additionally, there is no fight they cannot win, just the two of them defying gravity. I think that’s more the way it goes. As regards the two of us as world-peace-making team, definitely. You get rid of the nukes and I’ll make everybody cookies.
Brussels sprouts are not very nice. Parsnips, on the other hand, are lovely.
I don’t think there are clear sentence breaks in that part of the song. At least, there’s no verb in the part about dreams, so there’s no reason to believe it should be attached to the tandem part.
Not that it, you know, matters.
I think tim might be more adept at making cookies. Perhaps you should ride the world of nuclear weapons and let her handle the baking.
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