Me = Pioneer; or, I never knew John Donne could be so sexy

I was at the National Portrait Gallery today, and my mum and I were going through the Elizabethan-times room, walking down one side of the room looking at all these people we sort of knew (like Nicholas Bacon. I mean, surely I’ve heard of him before and everything, but my brain totally blanked out and I had no idea where), and I glanced over at the opposite wall and saw this picture that looked very cool, all shadowy and mysterious. And I was like, Oo, a picture I don’t remember that looks very spiffy! Can’t wait to see!

And do you know, it was John Donne, and it was a brand new picture. By which I mean that everyone already knew about it and it was even inside of Anna’s Norton Anthology of English Literature, but I had never seen it before. The last time I was at the National Portrait Gallery, they TOTALLY didn’t have that picture! Theoretically I suppose I was aware that the National Portrait Gallery must acquire more things from time to time, but I guess I assumed that all the Famous Pictures in the world had already settled, and the National Portrait Gallery wouldn’t get anything old but only new things like pictures of Christian Bale and Prince William’s girlfriend and such.

I totally felt like a tremendous literary-portraity-ground-breaking pioneer person! I discovered a brand new painting of John Donne, everyone! And it is weirdly attractive. I don’t know how much of this is due to the fact that I know it’s John Donne and I admire his writing a lot, but I’m already drafting an email to the National Portrait Gallery to get them to start making prints of it so I can buy one and hang it up on my wall. This is what I have so far:

Darling darling National Portrait Gallery,

Please make a print of that sexy new picture of John Donne that you have so I can buy one and hang it up on my wall. I really deserve it because I am a lovely person and furthermore I donated five pounds to you when I visted last July, and I also purchased several items from your gift shop. Thank you.

I think that they cannot fail to see the rectitude of my arguments and immediately begin making prints of various sizes for my viewing pleasure (and, she said righteously, that of the nation. of all nations!). They could make profit! People never knew how alluring John Donne could be when set in a black background and given a caption about girls and such.

And a Muppet kissed me!