The delicate art of making passwords

Passwords are tricky and uncool, and I hate it when something happens that makes me have to change my passwords. The earliest instance of this that I can remember is when Robyn figured out the password to my email account. It was “Lara”, which was the name of our second cat that we had briefly and then actually really did send to live in the country where she’d be happier but ultimately she was eaten by a coyote.

Robyn: What’s your password?
Me: I’m not telling.
Robyn: Is it Pepsi? (the dog)
Me: No.
Robyn: Is it Shadow? (the first cat)
Me: No.
Robyn: Is it Lara?
Me: I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE.

Yes, even at a young age I was a past master of dissimulation.

So I had to change it then. And then this other time I discovered that you could put passwords on Word documents, which was the greatest discovery I ever made, and I made these incredibly long passwords based on whatever my eye fell on, and each document had a different one, and they were, like, “teenagewitch” and “paperclipbox” and “auntdorisclock”, and of course I forgot them all and lost everything that was in those documents. Then I swung way back and gave all my documents the same password and it was “book”. I thought that kept things simple. Short and sweet, and the middle two letters were the same, so I couldn’t mix them up. But after a while I had to give it to someone to avoid more hassle, and then I changed it to something completely different and totally unguessable by anyone.

And LSU! What the hell! Every five days they make me change my damn password! As soon as my fingers get used to typing the new password they’ve forced me to adopt I have to switch it again. And now Essex has done the same. I had a very good password that was easy to type and used lots of different letters and numbers in strange combinations but was entirely memorable. Dem them.

Furthermore, I think “book” is a fabulous password because WHO COULD EVER GUESS THAT? Its very simplicity makes it complicated! However, I cannot use it for anything because everyone wants you to have 6 or more characters and use capitals and lower-cases and numbers and symbols, which is much too much trouble. I do not think that the shift key should have any place in the typing of passwords.

Which reminds me: Anna used to insist that it was quicker and easier to do Caps Lock and then un-Caps Lock every time she had to type a capital letter. I explained to her that the Shift key was ultimately better, but she did not believe me and stubbornly persisted. For all I know she is still engaging in this errant activity today.

And passwords are a nuisance. Hackers, please desist. You are causing everyone unnecessary trouble.