Hanging up posters

I resolved on Saturday that I'd hang up my posters by Sunday evening, and I didn't, so today while I'm waiting to go play, I thought I'd hang up the posters. I've been meaning to do it since I moved in, but my bed is high and there's all this climbing involved and I just couldn't be bothered. Hitherto I have had paper covering my walls, which I wrote on like in England, but my bed is not at a good height for writing the way it was in England (though my bed here is mostly better, and I like sleeping high up because the roaches can't get me if they come in).

There are several posters and some of them are heavy. I wish they were framed and there were hooks on the walls, but such is not the case. And Sticky-Tac is NO GOOD.

NO GOOD.

I HATE IT.

The first time I tried to hang up a poster – my Rent one, if you're interested – I spread Sticky-Tac all over the back of it and proceeded to hang it up completely unsuccessfully because every time I secured one area, another area would curl up and fall down. And it kept happening many times, so I screamed lots of curses at it and took it down and threw the Sticky-Tac at the wall to show it what I thought of it.

(It stuck.)

So then I fetched the Sticky-Tac package to find out what the number I could call was to complain about their rubbish useless crap product, but instead I found directions. Which I didn't think I needed because I thought Sticky-Tac worked pretty intuitively; at least it has always done so in the past. But apparently not this kind, because there were instructions, as follows:

1) To activate, pull like taffy until warm.
2) Pull off a suitable piece and gently roll it into a ball.
3) Place the ball between the surfaces you want to fasten and P-R-E-S-S HARD.

To which I answer: It has to be activated? That is bullshit. Also, thank you for spelling "press" for me. In case I get confused.

However, I followed these instructions to the letter, and the pulling-like-taffy part was fun and I pretended like I was the taffy machines in the taffy shop at York Beach in Maine, and it was especially fun because I felt so relieved that I had just been doing it wrong in the first place, when all that was necessary to make it work was that I activate it. So I got all done activating it and I did the rolling into a ball thing and the P-R-E-S-S HARD thing, and do you know, the same result ensued, with the curling and the falling and the screaming, except this time mixed in with the curses there was also "WHY ARE YOU STILL DOING THIS TO ME? I ACTIVATED YOU!" and wild-eyed P-R-E-S-S-I-N-G, which was all to no avail at all, because the poster carried on falling down in spite of the copious amounts of (activated) Sticky-Tac on the back.

Now, as I recall from my reading of Christopher Booker's unreasonably massive The Seven Basic Plots (which I read during a week when I was spending 16 hours being trained as well as 16 hours in class and whatever other homework I had, so I may recall poorly), for this to be a really good story that appeals to readers on a basic human level, it should follow the Rule of Three and have a third episode of poster-sticking-up attempts. But too bad. There was no third attempt. If at first you don't succeed, climb into your chair and write a cranky blog post.