Talking of Wishbone (or, I still don't want to study Christian and Byzantine art)

Another Tuesday/Thursday, another blog post. I don't enjoy memorizing images for my Christian and Byzantine art class; it is much more fun to contemplate joyful things like umbrellas and television shows I used to watch when I was a child, which I have been thinking about since last night when I watched good old Wishbone, which oh my God comes on LPB every night at 8:30 PM. God arranges this. There is no other explanation.

Now, of course, I was a hardcore Sesame Street girl. I liked Bert and Ernie and the Two-Headed Monster the best when I was a little girl (I've since come to be very fond of Grover), which I think is because I could really empathize with them, what will all the room-sharing and that game that Anna and I used to play in the grocery store where we'd turn ourselves into the Two-Headed Monster and growl "Dis way!" "No, dis way!" until we could reach a compromise. (That's right, we played compromise games. Got a problem?) I was mildly distressed at the way Bert used to sleep, though. I mean, he puts his face straight down into the pillow. I know he's just a puppet, but THAT WOULD SUFFOCATE HIM. I know because I tried it, to check if I was wrong about the dangers of sleeping that way, and after a while I couldn't breathe and I had to emerge. I eventually came to the conclusion that Bert didn't really sleep that way, but he was just using that as a rhetorical method to make a point to Ernie about the dancing sheep and the late-night trumpet practice; i.e., that it was so trying to room with Ernie that he'd rather suffocate.

Lamb Chop was also good, and I was extremely outraged when Barney got that time slot. I was not a fan of Barney. My sisters and I watched it when it came on, but we were not disposed to like it because we initially believed that they had cancelled Lamb Chop in order to put on Barney, and we definitely all agreed that it was drastically subpar (that word again!). I liked Baby Bop the least, although Ralph with his idiotic baseball cap annoyed me a lot too. Why did they exist? Where did they come from? Did Barney's transformation from stuffed animal to extremely large stuffed animal somehow make it possible for all other stuffed animals everywhere to grow very enormous and move around and talk in stupid voices too? And why, why, why? Why? Why? The only thing that I understand is that time they had lots of bubbles or something! I don't really remember but there were lots of bubbles! Bubbles, bubbles! The only thing Barney is good for: BUBBLES.

Mr. Roger's Neighborhood had nifty bits where they went to crayon factories (that episode seems to have made a deep impression on everyone who saw it), but I didn't understand what was so important about changing his sweater thing, mainly I think because the concept of a cardigan was lost on me at that time. The most best thing of all was when he would go to the Land of Make-Believe and the puppets would be there and KING FRIDAY, my most favorite character of all, because you know, every time he said something, the other puppets would say, "Correct as usual, King Friday!" and that is basically exactly how I wish my life would go. Take note, everyone I know.

I have saved Square One for last because it was so sick-ass awesome. At the end of every show, there was this fantastic and wondrous show called Mathnet, which upon reflection is probably a parody of Dragnet, but I didn't know that at the time. Anyway, it was great, and each show would have part of one little series of Mathnet in which the brilliant mathematicians Kate and, um, Kate and whatshisface (George, says Wikipedia) would solve mysteries using only their math skills! They were so brilliant! They, they, they went scuba-diving, and they captured a criminal by like having him chase a diamond as they pulled it along the beach with a fishing line (why did he fall for that? Am I remembering this wrong?) after he had stolen the diamond from a boat they were traveling on, and this one time, this one golden time, there was a gorilla. A gorilla! A gorilla! That had escaped from the zoo, or maybe been kidnapped, but anyway Kate and George had to track it down and it went up a pole! Climbed all the way up to the top of this extremely high pole and Kate and George had to, you know, sort everything out and make it okay. The names were made up, but the problems were real. (Said the show. I can't believe I remember that.) I was in love with Mathnet like nobody's business. If they released it on DVD, I would buy the hell out of it. And watch it every day.

Okay. On to the Christian and Byzantine art. This message brought to you by my little sister had to do breathing treatments when she was little and we got to watch TV while she did them.