Don't kiss anyone around my flatmate Sarah

Because she will destroy you.

I don't know how this has escaped me for so long, but my flatmate Sarah, she is like the Kiss Monitor Nazi Police Chick of the world. (Yes, that is the technical name of the position she occupies.) Sarah and I watch lots of flims and TV, and every time anyone kisses anyone Sarah makes a TSK TSK TSK noise, or else she looks deeply discontented, or else she makes an AW noise and an AW face. But the AW reaction is rahther rare, which is why I have called her the Kiss Monitor Nazi Police Chick and not - I don't know, something more flattering than that.

I do not know what has happened to make Sarah such a Kiss Monitor Nazi Police Chick (and I use Nazi in the kindest sense of the word, not meant to convey anything about Sarah generally as she is a lovely person and would never commit atrocities of any kind; I merely mean that she is very severe in her Kiss Monitoring judgments), but I have never met anyone in my entire life who is such a hater of people with kissing abilities that do not meet her high high standards.

Like, okay, I will give you an example. We have been watching Desperate Housewives for a while now, and I have always been a strong proponent of Susan and Mike's getting back together, possibly because the previous episodes I have seen of this show (like from the first season), they were having tension and moving towards being in love with each other. (I only saw like three episodes). Sarah, on the other hand, liked Ian and said he was nice, and although it was clear that she appreciated the value of the history Susan and Mike had together, she had accepted their break-up and wanted Susan and Ian to be together. UNTIL. She decided that Mike was a better kisser. And now she's all in favor of Mike and Susan getting back together. Because of the smoochies. Because Sarah cares.

Having articulated this, I find myself glancing nervously at her every time the people in whatever flim we are watching kiss, because I wonder whether they have met her approval, and I am afraid that if they have not, she will destroy my computer with the laser rays that come shooting out of her eyes. Or possibly my laundry and my papers: when she is cross about flims we are watching she looks angrily to her left, and to her left is my laundry and those of my essays that have been graded already because I am messy and I cannot be bothered to clean them up. Though perhaps I should if Sarah is going to incinerate them.