I like these so little that I have created my very own brand new category that will never be used for anything else because I can only ever have one thing that I seriously like the least in all the world.
Throughout my life, I have lived happily without ever watching any medical dramas, even ones as reportedly wonderful as Grey's Anatomy and House M.D., of which everyone in the world is a huge fan. Right. And this is because I don't like blood, and I don't like yuckiness, and I don't like scary needles going graphically into people's skin (and oh my God, eyes, don't even get me started). Cranky misanthropic doctor person, Hugh Laurie in the main role, these are both great incentives for me to watch House M.D. Hugh Laurie is a legend. Even in a medical drama. Okay, so I decided to watch an episode or two, mainly because I really love Hugh Laurie and he is incredibly funny in Black Adder and he is his own redeeming quality and I figured I could just shut my eyes and fast forward through the icky bits. Time devoted to yucky bloody things and time devoted to Hugh Laurie being a cranky pants, they are not evenly divided. Of all the scenes in a given show, probably ninety percent of them do not involve blood and yuckiness. Maybe ninety-five percent. I thought it was going to be fine. Except that they GAVE THIS WOMAN A PROCEDURE THAT IS WHOLLY UNACCEPTABLE TO ME, and they did it very suddenly without warning me first (except by having her airways close up completely as she tried in vain to regain her ability to breathe, and having everyone screaming about what they were about to do). So I decided to post in my blog about this procedure that is my least favorite thing in the whole world.
(That was acrostic.)
Actually, having just said all that and been all flippant about it, I have grave concerns that the Lord is going to punish me by making them a staple of my life. Or else, oh God, by placing me in a situation where I have to give someone an emergency one with a ballpoint pen like in Wonderfalls. I would like to say that these procedures, they horrify me. When I was watching Robin Tunney (of Empire Records fame!) have this procedure, I basically turned into a miserable squeaking mass of terror, nearly incapable of independent motion. I closed my eyes, but the sounds still got to me, so I pressed my hands very hard to my ears to drown out the noise. I was wearing headphones, though, so that actually had the precisely opposite effect, to my extreme distress.
I hate 'em. Hate. Hate. This is why I am going to great lengths not to name the procedure lest God hear me and remember that I've never had one and the time might be ripe for it. (It really isn't, God! Please don't!)
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8 comments:
but what if we have to do it to robyn some day? we should learn how to give emergency tracheotomies.
You have my wholehearted sympathy.
But what acrostic? I've been trying to decode it for minutes on end.
As far as Hugh Laurie is concerned, I really really really tried to like House, but I just couldn't. He's so much better as the Prince.
Really, seriously, thracheotomies are your LEAST favorite procedures?
Come on. Caesarians without anesthesia are LOTS worse. And I know somebody who had one.
tim darling, it's just the first letters of the sentences of that paragraph. Nothing very exciting.
And yes, they are my least favorite thing. The idea of them is just so horrible. Caesareans without anesthesia would, I suppose be more unpleasant to experience, but the idea of them wouldn't bother me as much.
tmlihlhwewamdeoarwagaahmdoweitwiahfratibidlbaidlyaidlsnggipsaomgedegmscmdphlitmrtabgifmtwhmdhlialeiamdosidtwaeotmbirlhlahiifibaahihorqaificjsmeaffttibtdtybtatdthlbacptanedoatsiagspnpotdnibaymnfpitiwgtbfettgtwaptiwutmatdivswwmfebhhacucastivtrhatbahesawtwatdsidtpimbatptimlftitww?
I see a 'tim'. And a 'pot'. And a 'fett', although that hardly counts because you don't know German, do you?
'He saw twat'?
It's just the first letter of each sentence in that paragraph. My goodness, you are worrying a lot about this.
Oh, the SENTENCES.
*feels incredibly stupid*
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