NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE

I am TRYING to catch UP on my WRITING right now and I CANNOT BECAUSE SOMEONE'S PHONE KEEPS BEEPING.

It is someone in my family's phone, because the noise is coming from my living room. And it's very disruptive. I sit down at the computer desk all writey-brain and earnest, and I type for a little while, and then Bdoobdoobdoo goes something in the living room. Since it's obviously a phone alerting me to the fact that a call has been missed, I go into the living room and try to find the stupid thing and track it down by its bdoobdoobdoo, which of course by now has ceased. But I'm tenacious, and I don't want anyone missing calls, or losing a phone, so I hunt all over the living room trying to find the stupid thing and hoping it's going to make the noise again and clue me in to its approximate location.

Nothing.

So off I trot back to the computer and sit down all writey-brain and earnest once again, and I swear to God the phone knows when I have done this because it immediately goes bdoobdoobdoo again, and because I CANNOT LEAVE RINGING PHONES ALONE I go running back into the living room to try and find it again.

But with a less firm grip on my sanity this time.

This time I'm all Where are you phone? and Speak again bright angel but OF COURSE IT WILL NOT so because I'm tenacious as previously mentioned and I (ohforGod'ssakeitjusthappenedagain and IlookedandIlookedalloveragainandit'snowhere) keep searching but the phone is not anywhere, and I look down the sides of the new recliner and I shake up all the sofa cushions that my mother has fluffed all pretty earlier today because darling tim! is coming! to visit!, and I find a pair of my pants that somebody has inexplicably hidden there but no phone, and I fling magazines about searching even though I know I'm just making my life difficult and I will have to clean up again or else explain to tim that the reason the house is so messy is that THERE WAS A PHONE A PHONE A PHONE and I could not escape from its hateful bdoobdoobdoo noises

And I actually sat down in the stupid living room and read a book for twenty minutes because I was hoping the phone would do the noise BUT IT DID NOT, and SOMEBODY IS CALLING US RIGHT NOW and THEY CANNOT GET THROUGH and WHAT IF THE ONLY NUMBER THEY HAVE IS THAT PHONE NUMBER AND SOMETHING REALLY TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED?

I need to go do some diaphwagmatic bweathing.