Charlie the Hermaphrodite Bear

Once, in choir class, this girl Eleanor had a little picture of a bear (called Charlie), and it was a contest, you know, you made a copy of the picture of Charlie and you sent it off to the place, and if it was the best one you would win a prize. We couldn't figure Charlie out, though. Charlie did not look like a boy bear, as the name would imply, nor did s/he look exactly like a girl bear called Charlotte and cutely nicknamed. We called it Charlie the Hermaphrodite Bear and made up a little song of its name.

I bring this up because I'd forgotten all about Charlie until today, because today I saw a bear that was far more disturbing. I took a picture of it on my cell phone, but it wasn't very good and plus I have no idea how to transfer pictures from my camera to my computer. But basically at the mall, on the first floor, there's this nice little play area for children, and on the second floor right above it, you can look down from the balcony place and see the play area. And to remind parents that the play area is just below them, they have these cutesy little wooden cut-outs looking down at the area. There's a little tiny bear peering through the bars down to the lower floor, and then there is also this DEEPLY DISTURBING BEAR.

It's a big tall grown-up bear, right, and its body is pivoted in such a way that it looks like it's been leaning over the railing until you walked up just this second, and it's wearing these really loose overalls and it has one of its hands like really deep inside its pocket, and its face has a goofy guilty look on its face and I swear to God if that bear ever comes to life it will be saying "Whoops! Heh, heh, heh, looks like you caught me masturbating!"

That's why I didn't go to Dillard's to look for a bathing suit. Seriously. I got distracted taking a picture of the bear, and then I didn't want to walk past it, and so I just went off to Macy's instead. The dressing rooms of Macy's were filled with women trying on bathing suits and telling each other how much they hated their bodies - which was pretty sad, actually, and made me yearn for the simpler times when I was trying to decide whether I was enough of a fraidy-cat to actually walk away rather than risk a run-in with a two-dimensional onanistic bear. But I got a cute little green and yellow and white bikini at Macy's, so I guess it was worth it.