JOIN ME

No, I mean it. Seriously. Join me. They’re going to stop making it again if you don’t join me and I CANNOT TAKE THAT AGAIN.

See, when I was in England, one of my most regular meals was frozen chicken & chips, and I would also steam some broccoli to prevent myself from feeling guilty about how unhealthy this was. I would eat the broccoli first and then get on to the chicken & chips, and I would put cheese on the chips, and I would dip them in chili ketchup. God, it was good. I got the chili ketchup because I was dying for something spicy, and because if I got chili ketchup, my entire meal (apart from the broccoli which didn’t count) would begin with ch.

And then they stopped making it. They just, they just stopped. It was just gone. One day I went to Tesco and found no chili ketchup. I thought it was a one-time aberration, but when I went on the website for Heinz, it became clear that they had discontinued the chili ketchup. My chili ketchup. I never recovered from the blow. I bought some stuff that claimed to be spicy ketchup, but it just wasn’t the same. (My mouth is watering, thinking about chili ketchup.)

But! Recently! They have started it again! They are no longer calling it chili ketchup, which is fine because I say chicken and fries now, as I am back in America, so my ch-meal was already shot to hell. They call it Hot ‘n’ Spicy Ketchup, or something like that, but anyway, nobody seems to know about it. And I wish they would know! I’m afraid Heinz will realize nobody knows about it, and just stop making it. I lost it once and I do not want to lose it again! Every time I buy it at the store, the cashier examines it suspiciously, and I assure him or her of its wondrous merits. I wish I could launch a joyous PR campaign about how joyously delicious the spicy ketchup is. MUCH MORE JOYOUS THAN NORMAL BLAH BORING KETCHUP.