The Inauguration As Witnessed By Jenny

5:45: My alarm goes off. I shriek angrily because I do not want to be wakened from my dream. I am dreaming that I am at the inauguration and hanging out with the Endless. They are all in costume so as not to be recognized. Death is really cool, and Delirium is disguised as a fish, a thinly veiled reference to The Kindly Ones. I cannot find Desire or Despair, and it has just occurred to me that I must be one of them, since I have been being very friendly with the other Endless. Destiny promises that Barack Obama is going to be a good President. I crawl out of bed and set my alarm for 7:30, which is an hour and a half later than I usually get up for work.

7:10: I realize that I have not done something I was meant to do by today. I get out of bed so fast that I fall off, which I haven't done since I was six years old. I am much taller than I was at six, so I am undamaged. I get dressed and ready and go into work very fast because I am such a failure at work. When I make mistakes at work, I feel as guilty as if I had set off a nuclear holocaust. I have now completely forgotten about the inauguration.

7:45: I get into work and email my supervisor with apologies. After I send it, I am concerned that I have not been clear enough that I AM AN IDIOT. I hope I have made this clear enough. I consider sending another email to reiterate this point. While I am thinking about it, my executive director emails to say that she doesn't mind if we stay home to watch the inauguration.

7:46: I start fighting back tears. Partly because I am such an idiot, but mainly because I have remembered that it is the inauguration today, and I am very inspired by the historical and inspirational moment. I expect that I will more or less be fighting back tears all day.

7:47: I go to the CNN online coverage, intending to watch it while I am working. Adobe Acrobat immediately declares war on my internet browser. I will not surrender. I am determined to watch the CNN online coverage. No way am I missing this historic moment. Against the power of my need to see history in action, Adobe Acrobat and its PDF documents CAN NEVER WIN.

8:30: Adobe wins. I close CNN.com. I email my supervisor to ask if I can work from home even though I am a humongous irresponsible idiot. She agrees to this, and I go flying home. I feel confident I can get home before the Obamas can get from the church to the inauguration, because I will be dealing with far less traffic and security.

8:50: I get home and turn on the TV. It is very historic and inspirational.

9:44: Oh wow, oh my God, there they are, Bush is leaving and Obama is starting, and everyone is screaming and I want to scream too because everything is changing, eight years of Bush, the entire life of my political consciousness, and there he goes, there he goes, there they go, and everything will change. I have to make a concentrated effort to pay attention to work. My eyes are filling up with tears again. I am so happy Bush is leaving.

9:50: CNN announces that they are about to have their last commercial break before the inauguration really starts. Last break? Last break ever? I HAD BETTER TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE I CAN NEVER GET UP AGAIN.

9:53: Fitted out with a catheter and surrounded by a large pile of things I think I might need from now until noon (both phones, Famous Amos cookies, pistachios, all work papers, other laptop in case this one dies for some reason, large box of Kleenex, Chapstick, four blankets in case I get cold, small fan in case I get hot), I settle back down to watch the inauguration and do research on effective schools.

10:02: The TV says this inauguration has the largest audience for anything ever. This makes me think of the episode of Doctor Who where Rose had a poodle skirt and the Doctor had a ducktail, and it was the coronation of Queen Elizabeth, and the TV was going to suck out everyone's brains because they were all watching TV. I become very paranoid that a similar alien is planning a similar plan, and I wish I had thought of getting my sunglasses when I was going around collecting things. However, I am not sure sunglasses would protect me, and anyway I cannot get up any more.

10:16: I was kidding about the catheter. I really need to go to the bathroom but I don't want to miss anything important, and they are playing incredibly important music.

10:30: Oh, CNN, stop talking about slavery. I will cry. I am telling you I am going to cry if you don't stop it.

10:31: There I go. Buildings built by slaves. Luckily my stash of never-get-up-again things includes a box of Kleenex.

10:40: They announce Obama. As ever, I am surprised and worried at how skinny and young he looks. But everyone is so, so, so happy. Look how they all wave their flags exuberantly. If I were there I would wave a flag too. Also exuberantly.

10:45: I like praying and all, but this is a remarkably Christian prayer that Rick Warren is giving. I wish he would desist. This is very Christian. It's making me uncomfortable. Please stop, Rick Warren. Not everybody is a Christian.

10:46: Oh, he mentioned Dr. King, and they are showing people praying. I'm so glad I have these Kleenex.

10:48: MaLIA. And SASHA. He just said their names in a really weird way. Sasha is praying very cutely. I wish Rick Warren would not say the Lord's prayer, particularly if he insists on saying it in a way that sounds totally silly. OUR Father. Who ART in heaven. HALLOWED. Be thy name. Oh, shut up, Rick Warren.

[Edit to add: Jon Stewart agrees with me. Somewhere in there. Around the middle.]

10:50: Aretha Franklin is made out of fabulousness. I have never seen such an enormous bow on a person's hat in my entire life, and I respect her so much for wearing that. Oh, God, it has rhinestones.

10:58 but really 11:01: I notice that my clock has been three minutes slow all this time. Damn clock. Drive you crazy. But look, this is the first (no, second really) minute in which Bush is not the President. This is hard for my brain to take in. Bush has been the President since I was fourteen years old and I started paying attention to politics. I can't believe he's not the President anymore.

11:03: Obama is about to take his oath of office. So, wow. This is it. Really, really, really it.

11:04: Obama and Roberts mess up the oath of office. I try to decide whether it is Obama's fault or Roberts’ fault. I decide to blame Roberts, because I don’t like him as much. I like John Paul Stevens. We should bring back John Paul Stevens. He didn’t mess up Biden’s oath, and he wears a bow-tie. Or Ruth Bader Ginsberg. I love Ruth Bader Ginsberg. I bet she wouldn't have messed up the oath either.

11:23: I am very impressed by what good sentences Barack Obama can make. He manages whole multi-clause sentences without saying something stupid and incoherent. I am just not used to this.

11:25: Obama gets finished with his inaugural speech. So that's it. Look at everyone celebrating. What a good, good, good, good day. There are no Endless, and I am not actually there, but - hahahaha, oh God, they just showed Bush, and he looks like he's about ready to cut a bitch - anyway, to return to the point. There are no Endless, and I am not there, but this is an incredibly good day. New President. I hope this turns out well.

11:27: I reflect that poets should never read their own work.

11:28: My mother calls me to tell me that poets should never read their own work. We are both rather tearful from all the inspirational inauguring that's been going on.

11:29: Tired of listening to the poet, I say “President Obama” several times out loud, to see how it sounds. President Obama. President Obama. Really? Not President Bush anymore? I cannot adjust to this, so instead I think cranky thoughts about Martin Luther King. People haven't said much about Dr. King. Shouldn't we be talking about Dr. King a bit more? Remember how he died fighting for this? I would like this to be mentioned a lot more. Like about every two seconds.

11:30: I cannot believe the poet is still talking. In the time that she has been talking, I have thought many, many thoughts. This is the longest poem ever. I have never heard such a long poem. I start counting how many different thoughts I will have before she finishes talking, but this soon gets boring, so I just wait for her to finish.

11:31: Oh good. She is done. Finally.

11:32: The benediction guy has an awesome voice. I could listen to benediction guy all day. I hope benediction guy never stops giving his benediction. What a great voice. It is still very Christian. Why is everything so Christian all the time? Not everybody is Christian.

11:37: They sing the national anthem. I love the national anthem. I don't care what Tony Kushner says! I cry while watching everyone sing the national anthem.

11:40: Someone has just said that Bush is being taken to a helicopter and into retirement. I don’t think I have ever heard such a beautiful sentence. Taken to a helicopter and into retirement.

11:43: I suddenly remember that I needed the loo an hour ago, and notice that now it is a total emergency. I still don’t want to get up but I guess I have to. I spot John Kerry on the television. I totally forgot about John Kerry. I am still kind of mad at John Kerry for losing the election in 2004. Okay, I’m going.

11:46: I feel much better.

11:49: President Obama – oh, I will just never get tired of saying that – is about to say goodbye to Former President Bush – again, I will never get tired of saying that. The CNN announcer says, “The Bushes are gone. They’re packed up, they’re out of there, and they’re moving back to Texas.” What a wonderful thing for them to say. They should say it again. In fact they should always say it.

11:54: The Bushes fly away in a helicopter. It is very, very easy. They get in the helicopter, and the helicopter flies them away. I feel a little annoyed about this, like Dorothy at the end of The Wizard of Oz – after so much stress and turmoil, it was that easy to sort everything out again? All we had to do was put them in a helicopter, and the helicopter would take them away? WHY DID WE NOT DO THIS YEARS AGO? I sulk about this.

11:55: The Obamas and the Bidens wave goodbye, reminding me that I should not be sulking but rejoicing. Due to the historicness and inspirationalness of the day.