Saturday, November 29, 2008

Sorry - is the question how did I get to be so awesome?

So I was trying to figure out whether you call Papa Murphy's in advance to order a pizza or just go pick it up there, right, and I was having a hard time working out which it was from the website, so I checked their FAQs, and it is definitely the funniest FAQs of all time. The questions are like: Your sausage is so delicious! Why? and Your mushrooms are so flavorful! How do you manage to create such delicious mushrooms? and Why is everything on your menu so insanely amazing when other pizza places have menu items that are not insanely amazing?

I swear. That's exactly what the FAQs are like. See?

Heeheehee. Oh, and you know what else awes me with its insane awesomeness? DOCTOR WHO, THAT IS WHAT. I'm watching an episode from the late sixties right now, and it contains a sweet Scottish guy called Jamie, and the actor's real name is Frazer, and he wears a kilt all over the place and is stirred and moved by the sound of bagpipes a-playing. I am in total love with Doctor Who and I want to marry it and have its babies. I feel a bit like - for those of you who have been clever enough to read Forever Rose - I feel like this, when she first reads The Once and Future King:

It was hours later when I put that book down again, and the drumming had stopped and the telephone was ringing and my brain had the sort of dazed feeling you get when you wake from a very vivid dream.

So that's what they were talking about, Saffy and Sarah, and Kiran and Molly and Miss Farley and Daddy and Indigo and Sarah's parents and even the Unlovable Mr. Spencer.

Reading!


Well, that is just what I feel like watching Doctor Who. So that's what they were talking about, every British adult who has ever been interviewed in modern times. Doctor Who! It is brilliant! Of course they would all be madly in love with it because it is TOTALLY TOTALLY BRILLIANT. Sometimes there are alien cat doctors keeping poor humans prisoner; and sometimes there are Dalek robot-things that want to exterminate everybody; and sometimes there is Sir Lancelot and Madame de Pompadour and the Doctor and Rose have a bet on that Rose can get Queen Victoria to say "We are not amused". YOU JUST DO NOT KNOW WHAT THERE WILL BE.

This is not unlike discovering a new author that I totally adore who has written dozens of books. Like when I first discovered Diana Wynne Jones, only I wasn't old enough to appreciate what a rare and beautiful phenomenon it was. Or when I first decided to quit being a snob and read the Sandman, and there were all ten volumes of it left for me to read. Well, this is just like that. Only way vaster (not better, just more), because there are 751 episodes of Doctor Who in its glorious history, of which 108 are lost, so that's still 643 (is that right? I can't count) episodes for me to watch. Well, fewer than that because I've watched some now. But whatever. There are hundreds!

Which is to say that if I were going to do a Doctor Who FAQ, it would go like this. Why is the Scottish kilt guy so awesome? Why is Patrick Troughton so awesome? Why is Tom Baker so awesome? (Hello, Jelly Babies? Marry me, Britain!) Why are David Tennant and Billie Piper so ridiculously awesome? Why did something so amazing happen as that the Doctor flung a sword up in the air and said that a sword rearranged was words, and when the sword fell back down it was a dictionary? How did anyone think of such a brilliant thing? I want to be able to fling things up in the air and have them come down anagrams of themselves! I want to be able to fling - um - I don't know - flesh in the air, and have it come back down a shelf. That would be amazing. I do not like flesh and I do like bookshelves.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I’m confused. So how large is a Family Size pizza?

No wonder you’re confused! Large, Extra Large, Giant? Many of the “other guys” large pizzas only measure 14" across and a national “biggie” even shrunk their large to 13"! Watch out, while they have BIG names, they may be shrinking the size or skimping on the quantity and quality of toppings. Papa Murphy’s family size measures up to anyone’s large pizza. Our family size is loaded with the freshest and tastiest premium toppings available. Our family size Murphy’s Combo weighs over 4 pounds. Nobody makes a family size premium pizza like Papa Murphy’s.


They're so sneaky. They take a whole paragraph and never do say how big the family size pizza is. Are they afraid the answer is going to drive away customers, or what?

Anonymous said...

No, but seriously, it's true. The Papa Murphy's page is full of pick-up questions. It's like watching a dude pick up a chick: Why is your sausage so amazing? Why are your eyes so violently blue?

Also, Doctor Who is scary, but very exciting.

Anonymous said...

Damn. Robyn's line about a dude picking up a chick brings the question and answer about the family size pizza to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL. 'Papa Murphy's family size measures up to anyone's large pizza.' Thanks a lot.

Anonymous said...

tim, that is delicious, as are you. Henck henck henck.

Jenny said...

Okay, this is your warning. No more filth in comments on my blog. tim, Robyn, this means you.

Anonymous said...

henck henck henck

Anonymous said...

She started it!