Keyboard shortcuts

When I was a junior, I took this class called "Computer Applications" that was essentially all about teaching you how to use Microsoft Office. It was great. There were all these assignments to do, and you were supposed to do one every class period, but instead of that I did like six every class period until I ran out of assignments, and then for the rest of the semester, I would just print out a completed assignment at the start of class and spend the rest of the day reading up on whatever I was interested in just then - Scopes trial, French literature, whatever. This was before the Oscar Wilde thing happened unfortunately. Er, but anyway, the one thing this class did teach me - apart from reinforcing the lesson that IT IS AWESOME TO FINISH EARLY, which I have known since I was five but it is no longer any use to me now that I am a grown-up - is a lot of keyboard shortcuts. I am a keyboard shortcuts goddess.

Keyboard shortcuts are something like the elusive One Best Way my family is always pursuing, except that unlike the One Best Way, which is constantly under debate, keyboard shortcuts are indubitably much quicker and easier. Like when I discovered that Ctrl and K brings up hyperlinks, holy shit, that was a good day. I put hyperlinks in emails and Word documents all the time, and I used to hate it. NOW I LOVE IT. I'm just all, Ctrl K, Ctrl V, Enter, bam, done; and then I look around for a Staples button to emphasize the awesomeness (you cannot do Ctrl and K in Blogger although I deeply wish you could).

But sometimes keyboard shortcuts make my life hard. It more and more frequently happens that I accidentally press Ctrl and + at the same time. (The grey matter in my fingers evidently thinks this is funny.) For those of you who don't know, pressing Ctrl and + at the same time when you are on Mozilla makes the font bigger. I love that Mozilla has these handy shortcuts and everything but it freaks me the shit out when the font gets bigger. I do it without noticing ALL THE TIME, and then when I go back to Google and run a search (Alt and Home, I love you, Firefox), and discover that the font size is too big, I have a humongous internal tantrum. Like this: OH MY GOD GOOGLE IS RUINED SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED TO GOOGLE AND IT IS RUINED FOREVER MY PLEASING FONT SIZE IS GONE OH GOD OH GOD NOTHING GOOD WILL EVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

As you see I am very emotional about this. I use Google all the time, and it turns out I am deeply invested in maintaining its regular font size. I just can't press Ctrl and - fast enough, and then I have to collapse against my computer desk for a little while, in relief that the world has been restored to normalcy. I don't know why it's such a problem, as the font is the same; still, one size larger IT IS NO LONGER ACCEPTABLE.