I’m warning you in advance that this is disgusting

Not disgusting like The State of the World. Disgusting like entrails.

I inherited many things from my father’s family. Like my very tall height that is extremely tall and matches my birthday. And like being good with languages and wanting to learn ten dozen of them (this is from both sides actually). And like enjoying of the gallows humor. And, less goodly, little bumps on my head.

It’s a thing – my father had a great big massive bump and when we were in Indian Princesses his name was Brave Bump-on-the-Head. One time he got it removed on Halloween Day, and every time he answered the door to the little trick-or-treaters he would bend way down to them so he could show off his gruesome bloody bandages. And I have inherited a similar thing but smaller, and before I went to England I went to the dermatologist and had them remove two wee bumps from my head. They’re totally harmless bumps, but I had them removed because one of them hurt like a bitch every time I bumped my head, and I’m clumsy.

Well, now, two years later, one of the ex-bumps has gone insane. And amusingly it’s not the one that hurt when I bumped it. It’s the one that was much smaller, the one I only got removed because I was like, Well, hey, while they’re cutting pieces off my head, why not cut ’em all off? And it’s, like, it’s like sprouting now. Every time I feel the place where the bump used to be, there’s these little things that peel off my head.

I told you this was yucky.

But I can’t leave it alone. It’s too fascinating. They look exactly like little flat seeds. Flesh seeds. I am definitely entertaining the notion that there are things growing on the top of my head and if I left them alone they would grow into little – um – somethings. And I can’t decide if this is mainly gross, or mainly fascinating. Nor does my compulsive nature (a maternal-side gene though not absent in my father’s side) permit me to leave them alone long enough to find out.

The upshot is, I may well be a frightening science-fiction asexual reproduction creature. FEAR ME.

(Reading back over this, it sounds totally disgusting. Like even more disgusting than I was originally thinking it would sound. And I’d like to be able to say, Ha, ha, just kidding, wouldn’t that be yucky; or possibly, Nah, I just made all that up; but the truth is, the flesh seeds on my head are very real. (Ew.))