Things that are not cute

I don't really have a list. Just a critical remark to make about myself. So #8 (an arbitrarily chosen number) on the nonexistent list of things that are not cute is Being Clumsy. It is not cute to Be Clumsy. It is unpleasant.

I have been really tired lately, and also a bit stressed because of this thing I volunteered for at work and then became frantically worried I wasn't competent enough to handle (but it went fine), and I guess because of that I've been more clumsy than usual. I tripped and fell a while ago, and my phone fell out of my purse and broke. The other night I got out of bed to switch off my alarm, and when I got back into bed I injured my ankle (it hurt a lot but no bruise). And then last night I was walking into the kitchen to get my dinner and I tripped, and I fell into my wood chair and wood table. I hit my stomach, left hip, right calf, and left ankle on various pieces of wood.

There was SO MUCH PAIN. I could not breathe, and when I could finally breathe again, I thought I was going to throw up because it hurt so much. Sometimes I forget about Pain Thresholds and Being Stoic and all I can do is wail helplessly until the pain subsides slightly. And although it really sucked, I thought: Well, at least I will have some truly epic bruises tomorrow, and I can show them off, and everyone will be stunned by the size and colors of my bruises.

However, this did not transpire. My blood vessels are made of steel. It's bullshit. The only good bruise I have is on the top part of my leg, so I can't show it to anyone because I am too much of a lady to take off my trousers. I have the puniest little bruise on my calf that you ever saw. Like if maybe I was injured by THE FEATHER OF A HUMMINGBIRD.

Anyway, I've sort of strayed from the point. The point is, it is not cute and endearing to be clumsy. It is aggravating, dangerous to anything you are carrying, and ultimately painful. And aggravating. And every time I injure myself due to clumsiness now, I think about Stephenie Dreadful Meyer and how she gave her heroine the trait of clumsy in order to make her more real - which didn't work, but because it irritated me so much, it sticks in my brain. I fall over and hurt myself, and all I can think of is, If only I had a strong manly vampire with well-developed chest muscles to save me from my own silly self.