Me: This damn professor! I've just been so fed up with this professor for so long! I am so glad that it is time for evaluations! I have been longing to say all these things about this professor, and now at last I can do it!
Conscience: Sure! Yeah! Go for it! Honesty. Just remember, what you say can have a grave and serious impact.
Me: Uh-huh. Yup. Got it.
Conscience: Can get them fired. I'm just saying.
Me: Oh yeah. Huh.
Conscience: Imagine this for just a second. You write this evaluation, completely skewering the professor, and it's satisfying for you, and you go home and forget about it. Meanwhile, your professor has this evaluation permanently on his/her record. S/he gets fired.
Me: Cut it out with the pronouns. In this case it's a he.
Conscience: Sure. You're the boss. He. So he goes home, probably walking because he can't afford to pay for a hansom cab.
Me: What the hell century are you in?
Conscience: Car! I meant car. Can't afford a car. He goes home, holes in his trousers, to his family of nine, who are all languishing away in a tiny hovel, huddled around the fire to keep warm, singing songs to cheer the lonely hours as they wait for their beloved father to return. He has to break the news to them. No more money. Tiny Tim won't be able to have the surgery he needs to fix his injured little legs. They won't even have money for firewood. I mean, um, for utilities payments. Doesn't this very realistic scenario bother you at all? ARE YOU MADE OF STONE?
Other bit of conscience: So you're saying she should sacrifice her convictions because it might have negative consequences on this guy?
Me: Yeah! Yeah! Convictions! I have my principles, you know!
Conscience: Oh, sure. Sacrifice the nine hungry children to your principles. Will that make you happy, to know that you can feel good about yourself and your principles, while those kids starve to death?
Me: Well, I--
Conscience: I'm just saying.
Me: Hey, um, other bit of conscience, back me up.
Other bit of conscience: .....
Me: Ummm. Other bit of conscience?
*crickets*
Me, desperately: Principles, I say!
Conscience: Well, of course you must do as you see fit. I can't do anything to prevent you. Just whatever you decide. On you go.
Me, crushed and defeated: I hate you.
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2 comments:
Uh, he doesn't HAVE kids. Because no sane woman would have sex with a guy with such disgusting political views.
Probably doesn't even have a dog. And if he has a cat, it secretly mocks him.
Just to let you and your conscience know, that professor doesn't have any kids. Only his "babies" which are antiques, so don't feel too guilty.
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