Getting ready to leave

So only a week and a half left in this country. I wish I'd gone to London more; there's a small part of me that wishes I'd travelled around Europe, but then most of me thinks that if I had money and time enough to go somewhere, I would rather go to London, whose infinite possibilities I haven't yet begun to exhaust.

It's so strange walking around campus and seeing the things I've seen every day for the past eight and a half months, and knowing that I'm not going to see them again maybe ever. Everything feels weird because I keep telling myself, This is the last time you will ever do this. This is the last time you will moan because the Lithuanians had some friends over and didn't do any washing-up; this is the last time you will hear that particular flat joke; this is the last time everyone will start singing along with that song that comes on the radio every twenty minutes; this is the last time you will hide in your room to escape Yvonne's rage about the mess the kitchen is in. It is inexpressibly bizarre. I've been living with the people in my flat for ages, and it feels normal, and after next Friday I might see them again once or twice in my life.

For some reason, my feelings about leaving England have resolved themselves in a deep reluctance to get off of trains. No matter where I'm travelling to or how crowded the train is or how urgent it is that I get where I'm going in a timely manner, it's all I can do to force myself to get up out of my seat and exit the train. I mean, even if I'm going to London to do something really exciting like see a play at the Globe (which I haven't done yet, curse it!), or to Cambridge to look at a manuscript; even then I just want to sit on the train and stay going back and forth forever. It is peaceful on trains and I am not really anywhere so I do not have to worry about anything.

I have very deep feelings of love for London these days. At first I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to choose what university to go to based on its proximity to London, but in retrospect it was a genius idea, and the only bad thing was that coursework got in the way of my being in London all the time. I love London so much that I might live in it one day when I am rich, like get a flat in South Kensington and spend my mornings reading and my afternoons writing the incredibly successful books that will, of course, support me in the style to which I intend to become accustomed. And I will go to film festivals and plays, and I will be in London so often that nothing unpleasant will happen like--

Let me break off here to say that Angels in America, which may be the play I would most like to see live that I have never seen live, is coming to London for a short time just after I leave. I mean, it really starts playing like the day after I leave or something absurd like that. Both parts. On successive days. And it is a mighty good play. And I am going to miss it, because for some reason I thought it would be a clever idea to come back in mid-June even though my housing contract continues until the end of June.

(Actually that was a good idea because otherwise I wouldn't have my fantastic job this summer.)

Well, anyway, if I live in London, nothing unpleasant like my missing of excellent plays will ever happen, because I will be right there, and I will keep good track of all the plays that are going on, and I will never miss anything that I really want to see. Whenever I feel like going to see a play, I will just go. And that will be the way my life works.

But even without all the richness and the flat in London and the play-seeing, I don't want to leave England. I love it here. I love how you can get on a train and just go anywhere. I love the way people talk, and I love the fact that there are bars on campus so you can just go out whenever you like and not have to worry about driving home. I love my Young Person's Railcard, which makes it possible for me to get to London or Cambridge or Oxford for under twenty pounds. I love chocolate digestive biscuits, and the miniature chocolate muffins that I buy every week for 99p. I love that it's sunny and cool in the summer, and the way that people here say it's pouring down rain if five drops hit them in the space of a minute. I love how much more considerate restaurants here are about diet choices and allergies than they are in America. I love the free museums. I love how easy it is to make day trips. I really love this country. I always thought I would, and I do.

I am very not ready to leave yet. England is good and I haven't had enough time here yet.