Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Pigs

I really want a pet pig. I have wanted a pet pig for a while. Pigs are smart and clean and they have sweet snuffly noses, but eventually they grow to an untenable size. I did not want a pig that would grow to weigh three hundred pounds, and I knew even small pigs got to be enormously one hundred and fifty pounds, so I gave up on my pet pig dream.

UNTIL NOW.

Seriously follow that link and look at the little pig babies. They are the sweetest little baby animals. They snuffle at the camera with their snuffly little baby snouts, and they wander all over the place on their little baby feet, and they are so cuddly and adorable.

I want one. Or two. Or ten. I shall buy them, and make them all comfortable at my home, and eventually I will breed them and spread happiness to the masses in the form of miniature pigs, while incidentally making money for myself. Much better idea than breeding tarantulas like a crazy person, which in one litter I believe supply would far outstrip demand and you would just end up squashing them. But nobody would squash, and everyone would want, a sweet adorable darling little pig. These little bitty ones only grow up to be about a foot tall, which is not at all big.

Yup, I’ve decided. I’m buying all of those little pigs. I will get a breeding pair and I will name the boy Wilbur and I will name the girl Wilbur too. Then they can have a litter of baby piglets and I will name them Wilbur and Wilbur and Wilbur and Wilbur and - look, I WILL NAME THEM ALL WILBUR, okay? My house will be full of adorable snuffly piglets. Then I won't even run the risk of getting eaten by cats like a cat lady, or even by Alsatians, but only by sweet adorable little pigs. (And possibly a greyhound. I wonder what a greyhound would make of a pig.)

5 comments:

anna said...

Um. I clicked the link, and I spot a problem.

They are indeed extremely cute. And yay for getting one.

But 3 litters of 13 piglets a year? I think your supply might outstrip local demand very quickly. Unless you're selling to people who want portion-sized bacon, which I would have to frown on.

Robyn said...

PLEASE can I have one of the Wilburs that you breed?? They're so snuffly and adorable. I want so badly to cuddle them!!!

Jenny said...

Anna, people would come from all over to buy my adorable snuffly piglets. Of course. The video says it is the new celebrity pet of choice, so I could just put ads in the Hot and Famous Times, and rich famous people would be knocking down my doors begging for a piglet.

Robyn, YES YOU CAN. I wish I could reach into that video and steal one, because I would take it to work and cuddle it. Baby pigs! Awwww.

(Am I the only one who found nifflers fucking irresistible?)

Robyn said...

DUDE no! I wanted a niffler really bad too!!! What is it about these snuffly, adorable creatures. However, if I get a pig, I have to make sure Randon doesn't eat it!

Nancy said...

Hm, what WOULD a greyhound make of a mini-pig? I fear the answer is "Mini-pork-chops."